michaelwyres.com » Funny Stuff

Nutball Witch from Another Planet?

mwyres — Tue, 27 Jul 2010 04:45:08 +0000

Straight out of the freaky, nutball, stay away from the dangerous substances file, comes this one:

“When asked to produce her driver’s licence, De Avalon replied that she did not have one,” Sen-Constable Lamb said. “When asked why not, she said, ‘I’m a being from another world and don’t require one.’ When asked to state her name and address De Avalon replied, ‘I have a universal name that is not recognised here’.”

My thought is this: when people travel overseas, they are expected to abide by the laws of the country they are travelling in. If she’s from another planet, shouldn’t the courtesy be that she abides by the laws of planet Earth in this instance? As a “higher being”, she should know this.

And how do they know she’s only 40 years of age?

Too funny.

A Very Speeeeeshul McAvaney Moment

mwyres — Fri, 16 Jul 2010 09:28:21 +0000

Just stumbled on this classic McAvaney moment in an old Channel Seven Sportsworld promo from 1991 in my old video collection:

The only thing that can be said is “speeeeeeeeeeeeeeshul!”

The Reason Your V/Line Train Runs Late

mwyres — Thu, 15 Jul 2010 02:59:41 +0000

V/Line will always blame something other than themselves for their trains constantly running late. Well, I think I have found the main reason – they think they are sending trains to one location, when they are actually meant to be going to another location.

This "updated track works notification" was just released, indicating track works will cause the replacement of some rail services with road coaches for over two weeks. Can anyone spot the problem?

Yes, that’s right – the updated notification advises that the track works on the Ballarat line will involve trains running to Bendigo and beyond! After the bungled announcement of the compulsory acquisition of up to 26 homes in Footscray for the upcoming Regional Rail Link project, I hope they remember to advise the residents of Ballarat that they now live in Bendigo!

Oh. My. God.

Supermarket Special Price Fail

mwyres — Sat, 26 Jun 2010 04:59:45 +0000

As a conscientious shopper, I’m always on the prowl for special price deals at the supermarket. I mean, who doesn’t want to save a few dollars these days? Doing the groceries this afternoon, I spotted this deal, knowing that our little daughter simply loves her juice:

Sounds pretty good right? I mean, two litres of juice for $6.00 instead of $7.58? Damn good value, saving $1.58 and all. Until I looked at the next shelf, holding the two-litre cartons of the exact same juice:

I think I would rather save $1.59, and put less rubbish in the landfill. Nicely done Coles!

Gillard’s First Agenda Item

mwyres — Thu, 24 Jun 2010 09:21:49 +0000

Julia Gillard became Australia’s first female Prime Minister today. Of course, her being a female is irrelevant, and in the fullness of time, we’ll find out if her rise to the leadership will be a good or bad thing.

The thing is, she KNEW she would be become Prime Minister today. Couldn’t she have run some Colgate Whitening over those teeth? Not a good look. First item on the agenda is a possible endorsement deal from Macleans or Colgate!

Amazing Scenes at Canberra Airport

mwyres — Wed, 23 Jun 2010 20:50:54 +0000

There were amazing scenes at Canberra Airport this morning, with what might be the final flight of “Milky Bar Kid Airlines” leaving for Brisbane amid rumours of a fuel spill during final preparations for depature.

One passenger is believed to have reported that a male flight attendant made the following announcement as the aircraft taxied away from the terminal:

“Welcome aboard this Milky Bar Kid Airlines flight, number #999 from Canberra to Brisbane. As we make our way to the end of the runway, as we take off, and continue on towards our destination, please ensure that your eyes are always turned to the left side of the aircraft, as the Right Wing now disgusts me!”

Where is Kevin Rudd’s Left Hand?

mwyres — Sun, 20 Jun 2010 20:32:29 +0000

Exactly which part of Stephen Conroy’s anatomy does Kevin Rudd have a hold of in this shot? Some have said yesterday's Telstra / NBN Co deal has taken Telstra by the short and curlies.

Maybe our Prime Minister has a different set of short and curlies in mind?

Gary, Addy, Gary, Addy

mwyres — Thu, 03 Jun 2010 09:18:19 +0000

Back in March, the Gold Coast Bulletin created a bit of a stir when they posted a photoshopped image of Gary Ablett Jnr in Gold Coast guernsey, as a bit of a dig at the contract negotiations between Ablett and Geelong, and the reported massive offer Gold Coast have made to Ablett.

The Geelong Advertiser stuck up for Ablett, and become the forum for the scores of pissed off Geelong fans, who took it far too seriously.

An article today in regards to the same contract negotiations between Ablett and Geelong has seen the Advertiser themselves gurge up the exact same image created by the Gold Coast Bulletin.

Kinda funny!

Bin Laden vs Rudd and Conroy

mwyres — Wed, 02 Jun 2010 02:53:54 +0000

A very useful feature of Google Search is the pre-emptive “suggested searches” that drop down as you type your search into the box.

These suggestions are calculated based on a combination of the commonality of individual search requests – (ie: how often people are searching for the term) – and the availability of material in their index that matches the search.

Clearly, there is a lot more negative material regarding Australian Prime Minister Kevin Rudd, and his Communications Minister Stephen Conroy currently online, than there is about terrorist mastermind Osama Bin Laden!

These may be a result of a link bomb campaign, similar to that which labelled former US President George W Bush as a "miserable failure", but even a campaign like that would make an important point.

The point being that the policies of the current Rudd / Labor government in this country are becoming more and more hated as time passes, and the dissatisfaction being voiced by the public is being completely ignored by them.

One might say that they have become a “miserable failure”.

Google Pac-Man!

mwyres — Sat, 22 May 2010 01:19:12 +0000

To celebrate the 30th anniversary of the original release of Pac-Man, Google has added one of its famous anniversary banners.

The kicker is, the banner is actually a playable version of the game! Way cool.